My feelings of inadequacy are quite pathetic when I think about it. I know as a person I'm not inadequate but as a resource I feel incapable and insufficient. As a resource in this economy I feel like a ill fitted cog.
Emotional turmoil is underestimated. Inability to make decisions and function efficiently and happily becomes a major task. How to function; what to do; where to go; what not to do. Why am I here. Why.
I don't think I'm curious anymore. It's not a question. I don't think I am capable of showing interest in the answer to these questions. It's funny. If someone presented me with 10,000 different options to make a decision on, the only one I'd pick is exiting.
I know everyone is unsure about life and it's natural IDC. It just feels like my emotions plus my indecisiveness have thrown me into an endless pit. Feels like a vicious cycle – a trap with no escape.
Everyone says we all eventually figure it out.
I'm still not sure if the emotional exhaustion and the messy psyche are worth it.
So many options and realistically there are none. So many decisions to make and yet I'm only sure about one. I wish. Just a snippet. It's not final. I'd like it to be final. I don't want to play games with my brain anymore.