I really don't know what I'm doing. I mean, I know exactly what to do, and I even know that I probably won't be able to do it, but nevertheless, I really don't know what I'm doing. I know I have duties, and I quite identify as a responsible person, but I can't get anything done, because it's been too late, because things have gone so mad, because it just happened too much too soon, and now I'm deranged, and tired, yet responsible, and aware of my responsibilities, still not able to function even a tiny bit only for the sake of heaven. I wish nothing was like this. I wish I wasn't so tired, I wish I wasn't so mentally wired, I wish my wires didn't cross so much in the past couple of years, so that right now, at the time they have to come in handy, they would function. I would function. I knew what to do. I knew exactly how to do it. And I used to be smart. Now I just stare and wonder "how long will I slide".