lately I've felt like everything was crumbling. my boyfriend is the one who would pull me from the depression I caught myself slipping into. he was the light to the dark. but he left for basic military training and since then I've felt so alone and afraid. without him I don't. hav anyone at all. I stay at home alone with my thoughts scared of what I might do. just after he left I crashed my brand new car that I spent all of my money on. I was devastated and wished I had him. but I couldn't even tell him about it. but instead of worrying about if I was Oka or not I was more focused on how much it'd cost to fix my car. shortly after this I wished I had got hurt. that I wouldn't have had to spend another day on this earth alone. not even to mention that he would've been able to come home if I had got hurt. I developed an eating disorder but slowly gaining my weight back and I still feel so bad. I feel so alone and scared of what this burden over me will cause me to do.