I feel so defeated right now. I've not felt happy in some time. The air feels so thick in my lungs. The first time i wrote on this website was more than 5 years ago. I fnd myself coming back againa nd again, when i really need to write something down. I wonder if people read the messages on this ebsite. It's strange to think that a total stranger might be reading something i dont tell anyone. Anyways, i gues its catharsis so i dont mind. Sometimes, i dont like how i am. Most of the times i hate the decisions i make. I regret so much in my shrt life. I dont know what that makes me but whatever it does, i hope i'm not not defined by that. To all those people who are looking for someone to hear them on this website, i feel you. I come on here so that no one reads what i want to say. It's kind of stupid tho like why am i writing it down on a website to be posted when i can just do it in my notes app. Well, i used to write all my thoughts in this note app which used to stay locked. I slowly realised how suffcating that was. Here i can just release it to the vastness of the web, while in my notes i have to confront it. I need to realise that one decision is not going to lead me into doom, hopefully, and that hopefully i will be alright. It is okay to not be okay, so breathe, and wake up to the next day to do better, to feel good, to coninue living so that you have the control in your life matters. You have the power to choose what makes you happy.
This sounds very airy but well it's the best thing we can try to do, one step at a time.