Do you know that time when you just need to cry. When you feel guilty about all the things you've done in the past. How useless you are. I just hate this feeling. When im being yelled at for no reason. When i overthink about things. About how selfish i could be without realizing. how im just seeking for attention most of the time. i hate my personality. i want to be kind and smart, not lazy and selfish. please, i need someone to tell me that my dreams can come true. that its okay to cry and that i have the future. my mom, i love my mom, i always told her about how i felt. how i felt useless and that im annoying. "its okay". its okay doesn't do anything at all. it makes me more insecure, and that im just stupid and overthinking. but in the next hour, im crying. im already crying. i want to dream, i want to go into my own world. please, i need someone to hug me, to make me feel happy. someone i could cry too. but theres no one. i hate myself. i even got called garbage by my own dad. i feel so weak, i always act tough and strong. but im actually a loser, traitor, attention seeker, selfish person, rude, dumb, lazy, person that doesn't have a heart. sometimes i like to talk to myself. i like to keep promises to myself. but it never works. please, i want to try and calm down. im only 11. im only a kid, i dont know about the world yet. i want to get to know the world but at the same time i just want to leave this place. i want to go up, where i can fly, a world where sadness and pain isn't a thing. look at our world, look how much we've done. we've done nothing. everyone is selfish deep down. and that includes me too. i dont get it. i dont get anything. i always remember when i was younger. where i didn't have to worry about anything. where i was confident, and i didn't care about anything getting in my way. but, its changed. i realized, that when we grow older, everything grows older. and everything is just mist. that its hard, and whatever i dreamed about when i was much more younger, is just stupid. i dont like it here, i want to leave. i want to leave this place with my mom and my family. i want to say sorry to my grandpa for not talking to him, and im sorry for not saying goodbye.i want to meet the rest of my family. i want to go back.