I am trying to tell this man, how I feel. He says he's listening, but he's on the defense. Like he still in the game as if we're on a basketball court. If we were the balls no longer in his. He wants me to explain everything I tell him. Jumps in to try to keep me here. I'm exhausted. I don't want to hurt him, but I'm so done. I no longer love him. I have so much for him, but no love. He gave me so much joy, my children, he is such a great provider, he's honest and truly loves me. I can't even cry because I feel like I hold so much resentment towards him. I have also cried so much these last few weeks. I hate that he hurt; that is because of me he's crying. I just want to be honest, honest with him and myself. He pretty much said that if I had an affair and stayed that would be better. What the f***. He told me that I'm being self-destructing. Like I did with another. I want to be alone. If I'm so toxic than I wish he would leave me be.