.

The anticipation of him being with me has come and gone. Just thoughts and writings are all I have and want. I really can't see myself being truly sexual with anyone else at this point in my life. It's odd I want him, but I think that's all the excitement I need. Just to lust after someone but never have them is very bittersweet. Nothing more would have came from this silly fantasy. Even if the opportunity presented itself I would kindly walk away.
I don't want to cheat or cause pain and suffering to anyone. I have grown out of my selfish immature ways long ago. I would just divorce and go before I would betray and lie to another individual that I care for so dearly. I don't understand people that disrespect marriage. Maybe coming from a family where my mother's married 5 times and my father's married 4 times made me appreciate family and marriage more.