January 5 2020
So I failed PHYS 2020 again. Got a D in POLS 1200.
To be fair, I didn't intend to take that course. I enrolled MATH 2271 for Fall and a 2nd year GEOG course (The Hydrosphere) because I doubted I'll be able to keep up with the fast pace of the PHYS and ESSE 2470. Also, I wanted easy courses to ensure I make the 5.0 minimum.
But my parents forced me to take the PHYS. He claimed that if I don't believe I can clear it then I shouldn't return.
During the reading week, I was just down and unintentionally unwilling to study and do the HW 5 (for Physics). I missed the last Friday class before the reading week. I spent all time in school because I was uncomfortable at home (my mum and all her forced Christian stuff for one. Bored. No internet, etc) . At the same time, my sexual addiction temporarily kicked in. I didn't do my POLS book review because I found out about the book too late and bought it in the middle of October. I'm too slow with reading books in general. There's no way I could finish it by the deadline. I also found it hard to understand the book as it's scholar material. Also missed a lot of tutorials and quizzes because I didn't complete the readings (we're supposed to discuss the readings in the tutorial and earn points for our active participation and critical analysis at the tutorial).
While writing this at church (St Michael and All Angels, 611 St Clair Ave West), Catherine asks if I was interested in having a ride home with her. She usually gives us a ride home from church. I couldn't give a quick answer. I was thinking "I'm okay with a ride. But I also won't be paying for public transit since I have a pass and the bus isn't inconvenient to me. So I don't need the ride. But saying No might be disrespectful or strange. Also, I don't want to seem needy or selfish by saying yes like I was waiting for a free ride from her. When.is she leaving? Will it be faster for me to leave on my own by public transit? Will she leave earlier?" She was also going to carry someone else along. So, Later on I started thinking "I don't want to face questions and chats from them (you know old people🤷‍♂️). So I'll say no." Later on she finished eating quick and then I said yes as I thought she was leaving immediately. This is mainly why I do not answer simple questions fast. All these thoughts rush in and I can't decide fast neither can I ignore them.
My dad called on Friday to get my results and scolded me as expected. But then also said that I think he is rich and has all the money to waste on me. Funny irony because I thought he was too poor to even pay my fees but he paid surprisingly.
My mum started with her usual Christian pestering because she thinks not accepting christ will cause school failures. I mostly took the phone off my ears and ignored it as it will only make me feel worse.
——-Tournel H