Why the f*** is there a title to everything?
There is something missing, I can't put my finger on it.
Loneliness, but I want to be alone.
I don't want to be touched or comforted.
I don't want to be heard or seen.
I thought this would help. I researched about it helping others and for a short time it did.
When it's bad I focus on things I know are out of reach or to distract. It can be hard to look in. Trying not to hurt others or be a inconvenience in their lives. I take all these unexplained, unpleasant, confusing, feelings and I mask them. I don't want to feel this. I'm sure it's from many things. And it's just about that time for some self-inflicted pain. But not physical pain, not anymore.
It's more emotional, like hurting myself by wanting someone I know hates me or extreme self-discipline or by pushing people away.
I don't want to tell my husband he already knows and hates when I push him away. He always tells me he will never leave, but not in a creepy way. It just makes it harder to keep him around, Knowing I am not worthy of him. I don't think anyone can see through I put on a good show. I mainly get the opposite feed back from people when they choose to voice their opinions of me to my face.
This has stopped helping, so on to something new. At least it stopped my anxiety for now. I have not picked at my imperfections that I find. And as my hand slides over my body I instantly drift to the phone.
Thinking about getting help but I can't afford it and I have no insurance.