A feeling of emptiness that won't go away, and I don't know where it comes from. Downplaying my own achievements. Not ever feeling like I deserve anything. Playing my brother and I against each other. Telling you that I was abused and you looking at me like I was disgusting. Pushing my sexual abuse under the rug by saying, "oh, I think I might have been abused once too." Mine happened for years. Always putting yourself first. Being jealous of ever single women that enters your life. The hardest part of it all is learning to cope. Having you in my life is hard. I still find you hurting me but I no longer will fall a victim to your insecurities.