Since childhood I have been a fun person, always smiling, always making jokes, sometimes bullying my friends in a kiddish way. Everyone loves being around me and I love being surrounded by my friends. I did my primary school, high school and college in different cities, currently I am working in a different city, so I have and had many group of friends but with one thing in common, I was always the Alpha Male of the group. So i considered it my duty to take care of my friends, keep them happy, organizing all the trips, listen to their life problems and give them advice which I myself usually do not follow.
In this process, “I became the most fun loving person of the group” this tag was followed by compliments like “I wish I had a life like you”, “You are never sad, I am so envy of you”, “You are so full of life”. Before I knew it I became addicted to the tag, I evolved into a new person, like a pokemon does with all new powers. I was funnier than before, I was smiling when I should not, I became a person who never complained about life. With this came new friends and more compliments and I got stuck in a loop where there was no coming out.
Fast forward my life to today, I am still that person who everyone loves but the difference is, it is only on the outside. I am the one who listens to everyone, how can I become that person who would have to share his sorrows, I am too afraid if I cry i will lose that tag. I am afraid if I open up, if I show emotions, I would not be “the most fun loving person of the group”.
So at the end, I tried to turn towards the option when your friends fail you, The Family.
I have a super cool mom, she knows about my girlfriends, my bad habits, my good habits. So what went wrong?
I have a younger sister who like all younger sisters take stress even on the smallest matters and my mom’s favorite dialogue to her is what brought me here – “Look at your brother, he is so happy in life, why can’t you be like him”