People talk about their fear of failure. Well, here I am. Failure in the flesh. Everyday I wake up, get ready for the day, sit in front of this computer and begin the hunt. Everything is on the computer now and it has become so easy for employers to overlook an application because the machine couldn't scan the terms on your cover letter. When you've included all the key terms used in the job post something magical happens: silence. You call to find out why you haven't received anything and you get a machine directing you back to the internet. I mean I can't even find a job clean toilets! It is ridiculous.
It is hard. It is hard to hold your head up and be hopeful that tomorrow will change. Especially when the next day looks exactly like yesterday. No amount of inspirational quotes will change anything. Especially when today is exactly like yesterday.
I'm tired. I am tired of feeling like a loser. I can't understand how I have all these college credits and have such a difficult time finding a job. I've spent all my money going out looking for a job just to be redirected to a machine. College is a waste. I am angry, laughing and crying all at the same time. This is ridiculous.
I am tired of being treated like a loser when I am trying not to be one. I am one year away from graduating yet I can never do anything right. I don't measure up to my peers. I have no friends and so I am treated – by my own family – like a pariah. Something to made an example of.
Failing is my specialty, my expertise. I know, I should put that down on my resume.
But moving forward is important. Although yesterday and today may feel repetitive, next year has a hard time doing the same thing over and over.
I leave you with this inspirational quote I found on Pinterest: " Don't be afraid to fail, be afraid not to try."
Thank you Somewhere To Write. See you soon.