I once was so depressed, I knew no feeling. After years of trying I have finally achieved feeling the basic emotions. At the same time as I did all this, I had also alienated myself from the world. By doing this once I got out of the darkness I was unable to be social. because of all this, it has led to me being unable to understand the world around me. I have begun to believe everyone just wants something from me, something that I will never be able to give them as I cannot fulfill everyone's wishes. this all began perhaps four or five years ago now I have opened up more, I have felt many more emotions and had a few acquaintances, but I have yet to find a real friend who I do not feel wants more from me than I can give. Although I have achieved all I wished in order to feel, I suppose more "human" I realize I am missing one thing. Despite wanting to feel emotion and have normal social interactions, I do not want to have or show fears wor weakness. I believe to show them (fear and weakness) to others will cause them to think lesser of me, for I will no longer be the perfect being they expect and want me to be. Because of this, I will never have real friends, who truly know and care for me, because I will never be a human made of flesh, simply a statue made of bronze forever. Once I begin to chip away and fall apart I will be even more lonely than before. This is what scares me and this is what leads me back into the darkness.