This whole #MeToo conversation in the media has brought up some bad moments from my past, ones I tried to bury.
I'm a gay male. While going through a horrendous break up, I spent the next few months drinking away my sorrows. While on yet another night of partying I was on my own, while an older man was buying me drink after drink. I don't remember much after that but I do remember (in flashes) a jumping into a cab, I asked to take me home. He didn't.
He took me to his home and that is where I was assaulted. The problem is, it wasn't a violent incident like many others, it felt like I had no control over my body, I couldn't move, maybe it was my fault because I drank too much, maybe there was something in my drink I have no idea but I was irresponsible.
I remember saying "no no no" but it didn't work. The encounter didn't last long thankfully and he called me a cab home, I remember staggering into the back of it and what's worst of all is, he handed me money. It makes me so angry, like I enjoyed it? Like I was someone to be paid off? I have no idea, but that moment was perhaps the worst of all.
Anyway, no one will read this and I hope they don't, I have sort of accepted that the past is in the past. I'm normally such a strong person but I just needed to write down somewhere my feelings before hey keep building up