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27-01-12(3:47:09)

Who i truly am hates who i’ve become. And in all honesty to god, i dont even know who that is anymore. I feel like I am never the same person. I’m always going through phases. and i feel like i’ve just lost so much of myself that i’m going to need more than just me to put me back together. Except now noone seems to be there for me when I need it. I dont even believe in god, and im starting to come to pray to him to send me a guardian angel to give me a little help in life, just someone to help me when i need it and give me advice. Yeah, im learning on my own, but i just feel like ive been thrown out in this world to defend myself for so long. i need just a LITTLE backup.I want to hug someone for a whole day and have someone cradle me in their arms like a baby. I want someone to comfort me and tell me everythings gonna be alright. i feel more like i’ve just been so damaged from trust that I wont allow myself to bring anyone that close to me ever again. Im starting to distance myself from people… im starting to like being alone better. And another part of me is just throwing myself around and doesnt care and wants to kill herself.. i just dont know anymore. i just dont know.

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