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21-01-12(6:55:32)

Its been months since me and my ex split up. I’m not gonna lie, I was thinking about breaking up with her for the slutty college girls at Hawkeye but I couldn’t be that lonely man-whore like the year before. We dated for a while and after not seeing her for a couple weeks I drove up to see her when she said those three words. I love you. I never say that unless I mean it, even though I hesitated at first I said it. After a while I was feeling at ease and the 2 hour drive just didn’t seem as bad as it used to. 4 days later I got a text from her when I just started to crack a few beers with the roommates. “We need to talk…” I went outside for a walk to call her back. “Hey, what’s up?” “This isn’t working out”… The break up was predictable, she spilled the bulls*** everyone hears. “I’m distracted from school (I only saw her one day every couple of weeks), you don’t take anything serious (She was half right about that, I skipped a couple days of class to get away from stress and see her), and this long distance thing sucks (It did for both of us).” As she talked all I could feel was my body sinking and sinking into the earth, I couldn’t open my mouth to say anything. “Don’t you have anything to say?” she asked. “But I love you…” was all I had. I knew it wouldn’t change anything but I still had a bit of hope left. I cried for a couple minutes until she finally said, “I have to go now I just got up to my dorm, please don’t do anything bad. Promise me you won’t.” I didn’t want to say anything, just to hear her voice one last time. “I promise. Goodnight…” The rest of that night I spent drinking and crying in my room while my roommates partied across the street. I kept looking at my phone for her to send something or call but I knew it she wouldn’t. And now I’m still here moping about her, lying to all my friends and hers that I’m over it all. Pretending to be the man-whore I once was while actually spending my nights alone listening to love songs and wishing I would’ve said something more to her…

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