I feel utterly lost. I have a hard time separating reality from my daydreams. I’m starting to get feelings for a girl inmy class. She is sucha great person and sometimes it acually feels like she might like me to. But I know i’m just imagnining things because I’m sure that she and another guy in my class like eachother, I can tell by the way they act.
She’s going to study abroad for three months after christmas so I should be able to get over her then. but still there are parts of me who don’t want to forget. I want to have these feelings when she comes back because the guy she seems to like will not go there with her, and maybe they won’t be that interested in eachother then.
My mind is chaotic because the fear of letting her get close acts as a imovable and the longing for love that i feel acts as an unstoppable force. as these to meet in conflict within my mind I’m filled with dispair and anguish.
I have another three days to some kind of choice but I don’t know wich is the right one. I can’t decide if I should be selfish or unselfish.
17 years old, never had a girlfriend. Want love, closeness and understanding so bad and I have completely stoped caring about school. It won’t even matter if I failed all subjects because the worst thing that could happen is that I would have to face my parents.
Excuse me for the lack of context in what I’ve written. I mearly write so I wont have to scream.
-DeviaAnimus