yeah, im a f*** up. thats what i am. ill never deny it. tomorrow my dads gonna find out that i have been skipping school to get high just so i can forget about what a f***ed up life i live. hes gonna call me a f*** up and tell me to get out. well get into a fist fight and ill end up cutting again. i dont understand why things are like this, i have to cut myself to be relieved, i have to smoke weed and cigarettes to calm down, i drink to forget the pain. im only 16. ive lived a life that no one should and honestly im glad it was me and not someone i know. id rather suffer jsut so that others dont have to. theres this girl, i love her to death. and she cuts too. everytime i hear that she harmed herself i wanna just slice up my wrists and bleed out. i wish i could take all her pain away and just put it on me. Pain and suffering is something that ive grown used too. i have suffered threw so much that at this point im ready to end it. tomorrow when my dad confronts me about skipping school hes gonna swing at me. he always does. thats my dad. as soon as he swings at me ill roll my sleves up and show him what he has done and maybe then hell get why i dont sleep at night maybe hell realize why i have so many knives,and why i always wear hoodies. my arms are so scarred that when he sees them hell break down,or hell tell me that im f***ing crazy and to get the f*** out of his house. i dont wanna die tomorrow, for the first time in my life today i felt like i actually was put here for a reason and thats to make the girl i love as happy as possible, but tomorrow i feel like the things he will say will push me further into my abyss of depression that has already consumed my life. i really dont wanna die.