My birthday is Sunday, only 6 days from today. I’ll be 17. I’ve been trying desperately to live like the teenager that I am but there is just so much that gets in the way of that happening. I don’t live with my parents or my sister (which kills me) due to our recent homelessness. I live with my grandmother while my sister, mom, and dad live with a friend of theirs. There really is no room for me. My dad abuses my mom. My mom called me 2 days ago at 12:00 am to tell me that he has been hitting her more than he usually does. That she wants to leave but has nowhere to go. My mom already suffers from clinical depression, and I’m afraid this abuse will lead to her suicide. I love her so much, I lose sleep at night thinking about ways to help. Thinking about what my life would be like without her. I wake up with puffy eyes from crying myself to sleep thinking about these things. I wish with every essence of my being that I could help her, but I honestly don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to my grandmother (her mother) about it because she doesn’t want anything to do with my mom. She believes that everything that has happened in my life is my moms fault, which pisses me off.
I have thought about hurting my dad. I have thought about sending him to jail. I have thought about ripping the family apart. I promised my mom that I would get a job and save up enough to rent an apartment so she and my sister can stay there, but finding a job is so hard, especially if you don’t have any transportation. I’m so overwhelmed and stressed out with all these problems that I just can’t fix. Nobody understands. I refrain from telling my best and most trusted friends about it because I feel that I would just be ranting about stuff they just don’t get.
I’ve been stressing over how to take care of my family while maintaining good grades and some sort of social life and I feel like I’m going to explode. I honestly feel like this stress is eating away at my sanity and I just don’t know what to do.