I can’t lie and say i’ve had a bad life. I’ve really been blessed with everything involving my family, but when you look at my friends, whole different story. My 2 best friends are suicidal. Like seriously, what am i supposed to do. Yes i’m there for them and i listen to everything they have to say and am trying my hardest to help. But it tears you down seeing people like that, and i can’t really tell them my problems, they’ve got enough on their own. So ya know, i have lots of friends, but i really don’t have anyone… No one to just cry to and spill my heart out to. Don’t say i haven’t tried because i had some desperate cries for help one time. I’ll start to try to explain but they don’t seem to care because i’m not depressed or suicidal, but happy. So when i try and they don’t react i just say never mind… Never mind that i feel like my heart is in a shallow pool of my own blood. Forget about that frown i had on my face. It isn’t important anyway. What made it really hard was when my friend said he was an actor, faking his happiness. He wouldn’t explain, thinking that i wouldn’t understand. I wanted to say i knew exactly what that was like, but… i couldn’t.
I guess what this is is a cry for help. But the thing is, that i don’t want help. Because when you get help you face your problems head on. Your going in emotionally raw and exposed, not knowing what will happen in the end. And i guess forgetting is just easier for me.