Since I was little there has been things that have happened in my life that I would have to deal with everyday for the rest of my life. I was handling my big dark secret really well. School life was hard I mean I was so scared to go to school because there was so many threats against me. I never did anything to deserve that appart from be overweight and clever. Things got better when I started home schooling. Then when I started college, I met a guy online who had the same big dark secret as me he was my everything, we got engaged and were what I thought was happy. A few months after getting engaged, I had a gut feeling he was cheating on me. I ended it and instantly regretted it as I have felt alone ever since. The same day I found out I was pregnant, I went to the doctors a few days later due to stomach pains. I got told to take another test which came back negative. I’d lost the guy of my dreams and turned out due to lot’s of things I had lost my baby to. I get it was stupid cause I was so young but yet any relationship i’ve been in after just hasn’t felt right. I just miss him and have no idea how to cope. Even though we weren’t together I ran away to his when my granny died cause I didn’t know how to cope without him. I just need him but he seems happy and moved on and that kills me even more. I know I’m not pretty or worth anything so I’ve kind of accepted I’ll be alone for awhile, until I meet someone who doesn’t think looks matter, but I don’t want anyone else. Before anyone says I was and stupid yes all of this happened from the ages of 16-18 but I’ve grown up and it’s been 3 nearly 4 years since we split. I still get butterfies when I’m going to see him and still have the need to talk to him everyday.