I am torturing myself about a guy who is too young and immature for me and has no interest in me what so ever and even has a new girlfriend. I have obsessed about it for two months and just want to move on a find a guy who does like me back. I am so desperate for companionship and to be care free and have a laugh. It doesn’t sound like a lot but for me it’s so hard to find. Alone again… naturally. It’s summer and all i can see is couples, festival season – having fun, and i’m not and haven’t for three years. I’m so frustrated. I wish i could get my ass in gear and be more go getting. I anger myself. I’m scared of everything, i’m so scared of rejection that i’ve deprived myself from going after things. It’s only recently that i have realised that the thing i’m most scared of – rejection, i’ve done to myself. I’ve rejected myself. The situation with this guy has only served to highlight this. I suppose fear in some ways is good. I just wish my fear propelled me instead of holding me back.