Idk what I’m doing anymore. All my life I’ve had a purpose for absolutely EVERYTHING. I’m 16, everyone says ”Ur a gorgeous girl, ur so talented(some may even say)I wish I were you”…I really don’t understand what ppl see in me ‘cuz i sure wish someone told me WHY I feel so pointless, helpless. This is the first time I ever look for a site to write what I’m thinking..Idk maybe like this I at least find someone to ”listen” to me. . .I have thought about ending my life since I found out that my grandma'(the woman who raised me) could die at any moment. All I want is a BIG, HUGE purpose for living and a goal in my life. I don’t really know why I CRAVE this feeling of having something to think about and do ALL THE TIME just so I don’t think about the bad things in my life like: my grandma’ dying a couple of months ago, my grandpa’ killing himself a few days ago b’cuz of it, my ex best friend treating me like crap and acting as if she didn’t know me and not givin’ me a reason. . .I wish I had something OTHER THAN MY LAPTOP to take my mind away from stuff. ‘Cuz being in my laptop just makes me feel(as I feel now)..a 16 year old girl who is ”gorgeous” and wasting her life in her laptop. I study and I work and I STILL feel like I need something..A HOBBY OR SOMETHING to keep my mind working 24/7…i say I don’t care about anything anymore but I really really do and everything is just gettin’ into my head…I NEED TO DO SOMETHING..I started smoking cigarettes because of this feeling, then weed and I can’t go very long without drinking… I NEED HELP TRYING TO FIND AN ANSWER TO MY SEARCH! :'( I just really don’t know what to do anymore..