Sometimes I hate being gay. I never hated myself as much as I do now. It so difficult keeping a secret like that from your whole world and just bottling it up in you. I cant tell my friends cause they don’t understand. it just seems like no one understands. I see couples in public and I just fill up with jealousy. I’m jealous that I couldn’t have a relationship like that without people looking at me or being judged. I cant even publicly come out because I’m afraid of being judged. Yeah my friends can say that their opinions don’t matter, but they still hurt. They still terrify me. I want to find a guy whose able to understand me and my problems. But how am I supposed to find him?