All I want is a little help. I understand that my fiance works and provides for our family but I feel like he should at least take out the trash when I ask him to. We have a one year old son together and I am a stay at home mom. I am also in online college classes. Not only am I taking care of my son all day, which I love, I am also trying to cook, clean and keep on top of my school work.
I feel completely alone. I can’t talk to my family because they have their own friends and things going on in life. I have no friends. I could talk to my mother but she constantly tells me to leave my fiance and tries to convince me that he is cheating. I know he isn’t. I feel so detached. I try to talk to him and he ends up thinking I’m a b****. Even if I’m crying my eyes out trying to tell him how I feel. He tells me all the time how mean I am.
I hardly get out of the house. We have one car and I never get to use it. The only time I get out is to go grocery shopping every two weeks.
Right now I am trying to lose weight so that maybe I can feel good about myself. I know this sounds crazy but sometimes I think he doesn’t want me to lose weight. Before I started the diet we decided to stop eating fast food. Then once I started the diet and work outs he brings home junk food, fast food and candy.
He has been trying to get me pregnant for six months. His friends and his dad keep telling him to have another baby. I told him I wanted to wait. He doesn’t care.
I love being a mom and I love my fiance but I just want to feel like more than a baby making machine.
I want to change.
I want to stop feeling like this.
I want to feel good.