Honestly. Just f***.
I just finished watching a series on netflix that was based around a girl who committed suicide. It was really f***ing sad. Anyways, I went into the bathroom after to wash my face when I noticed the 3 pictures of me as a child on the wall. I just stood there for a few moments. Trying to grasp at the happy, easy memories of that time in my life. I was just thinking, like f***. Things were so simple back then. My mother was still alive. I wasn’t dealing with college apps. I didn’t have at least 4 hours of homework every night. I wasn’t worried about boys or what anyone thought of me. Our main purpose as kids is to have fun and enjoy things. And it really f***ing sucks. That I’m at a time in my life that I’m almost always stressed out. It’s exhausting. I want to sit down and just relax. I want to be able to live. I’m 18 years old and I just had to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life. That’s f***ed up. And for a brief moment, when you get into the schools you wanted, you feel relieved. Like all of your hard work has paid off. But then you realize, you just worked that hard to get into a place where things are more stressful and more work. People say we’re kids, we get to enjoy life. But when is that? Because if we choose to go somewhere and do something, the thought of the work we still need to get done is stuck in our heads. And it doesn’t f***ing go away.
So ya, f***.