I’m a guy. She’s a girl. We’re from two completely different worlds, but I don’t believe thats something that matters. I have my issues and I know i do. I’m a selfless freak who finds pleasure from making other people happy rather than myself. She is nice to everyone, she makes people happy, but not for herself. She’s like a role model for me and I want to be that person who makes her happy and the one who she accepts it from. She’s a year older and far more popular than me. I’m helplessly lost. I don’t know if i want her to be happy for myself or just for her. She, just being herself, makes me happy and I feel like I should do her the same favor. I’m on the level of a best friend, but to be honest I would marry her if i could. And in a heartbeat at that. My only goal is to let her see me differently, see me as someone who she can rely on not someone she needs to help. I’m a runner and she is too. I have average looks from my perspective. Not built, but strong. I have good grades, and even one class with her. I don’t feel like any of that matters, but if it would make a difference I would be willing to change any of it. I dont want to be one of those people who change just so someone will like them, but if who I am can’t be seen I’ll try to be seen. With thinking about all of this I forget sometimes who I am. So I’ll make a list. Me: I love running with a passion. I love music. Listening to and playing if i could. I have no musical talent. I like working with electronics. I like wires, lights, soldering, programming, computers. I love candy corn and Iced Tea. I love my family. I love my friends. I love her. I like doing work with my hands, building stuff, folding paper etc. I love talking to people even if i may not kow what to say. I love meeting new people, but never know how to come accross to them. I’m not shy, but when i talk I sometimes takeon personas of how i think i should act. Not my trueself. I used to compulsively lie, but I have stopped for the most part. Nothing in this message is a lie, it’s exactly what im thinking. I feel like i think too much sometimes. Other times I feel as if theres nothing going on up there. I have a horrible memory and have trouble remembering names, numbers etc until i have talked continuously with that person for more than two weeks. Im what the school labelled as “gifted”. I dont believe i am what ever that is. There are a few others who have that same tag as me and I can clearly see where they accel more than any normal person however I don’t feel as if I have a forte or thing i’m especially good at and am instead spread thin. Most of school comes pretty easily to me. I don’t think I’ve ever struggled with a topic, but that does not mean that I master everything immediately. I felt like I needed to vent and was looking for somewhere I could say what i needed to and not worry about having my family or other people worry about me. I just wanted my thoughts to be open rather than trapped in my head. I feel a lot more free now. Thanks. I’ll post again.