I know a lot of people don’t have it easy, and I realize that my problems may be quite minuscule in comparison to many others’ out there. But sometimes I just get bouts of depression. I don’t know why but I feel like crap and I feel that there’s really no one that I can pour my troubles out to. I can’t possibly tell my friends about my deep secrets, and my parents don’t really wanna hear my complaints too. Sometimes my friends and family are the ones who agitate me, which pains me more than anything because they are supposed to be the ones who care most about me. Instead, I’m constantly being hurt, irreparably hurt, by their little actions. And if I retaliate, I’m so scared that I’d just lose them.
And the worst thing is, I can’t even cry to express my melancholy. I just have this entire bout of frustration, anger and depression vented up inside of me and I feel like’s it’s gonna burst any time. Sometimes I even think it’s better if I could just die. But then again, this seems like such a childish and immature thought because I know that a lot of people out there are going through a lot more than me, yet they can still keep an optimistic outlook on life.
This dilemma is making me even more confused, and I’m tired and cranky so my thoughts are getting increasingly irrational. I just want to sleep off my troubles but I can’t even do that cause I have exams coming up, and I’m like super screwed cause I haven’t really started preparing. Sigh when will the good days arrive? Sometimes I feel like life is made up of more sad moments than happy ones. When was the last time I was truly happy?