I thinks its because groing up i witness my mom getting beat several times by my step father & i grew up without my father . He’s in my life now . But i still dont see him like i should its like you would be better of back in jail . MY Parents try to buy my love , Its like i rather give up everything i got just for one good day with them. Like i love her so much but it feels like she puts all of her time & energy into someone who beats & cheats on her . I feel like i deserve that atleast , beacuse everytime somebody puts you down or makes you cry who holding you and wipping yur tears ? MEEE !