I’m 16 now, Almost 3 years ago, I had a lot of problems at home, my parents used to fight a lot, and were going through a divorce (they’re divorced now). and the house used to be very stressful, alot of shouting and so on, my dad was always abusive and always used abusive language, he would swear when he’s mad, and shout really loudly, sometimes he’d even beat me so hard, but then we’d get along normally and we were really close, it was only at times when we’d fight together and the times that he got nervous at me that he used to do that. he almost killed me once, i remember not being able to breathe properly and my mom helping me up. Anyway, when i so angry i used to scream so loudly and bang on doors and i would get completely crazy and lock myself in the bathroom and just sit there for almost 3 hours or so. During that period of having a lot of problems, i was in a relationship with a guy i really loved so i used to tell him everything and he was always there for me and helped me out. these periods i was really sad or angry in i would sometimes do stuff, that i remember feeling that i have no control over, like doing webcam with guys, and so on… i also used to run away from home when i got in fights with my parents, id go for a few hours then come back. i got a digestive problem (constipation, and slow digestion) and the doctor said that was from stress. also, when i got angry i used to stress my whole body and i remember my legs hurting so much. Because i couldnt live with my parents and they could see how messed up my life was, they made me move to Kenya, and go to boarding school there. i was completely alone there, i didnt know ANYONE, they told me ill stay there for about a year to calm down and kinda be in a different environment away from them and all the problems. i was EXTREMELY unhappy in Kenya, i cried every single day, I missed classes and stayed in the bathroom, everything was worse, but that was only for the first 3 months of school, i used to go back to my country in the holidays and i was ok with my dad and we didnt fight much and we were fine, my parents got divorced when i was in Kenya and i was soo sad about that, and there were more problems. in Kenya, i was still with my boyfriend, but i cheated on him about 3 times. but i swear i felt like i had no control over what i was doing. its like i would do stuff and not think about the consquences and not feel what im doing, however when i would stop i would regret what i did and start crying and id call my boyfriend and cry to him and tell him what happened. its like i dont wanna do it, but it just happens and i dont know why, and i used to do stuff that i dont control only when im really sad or angry. i had ALOT of suicidal thoughts the past 3 years, a couple of times i tried staying under water and not coming out but eventually i do come out, i tried buying pills but never really used them. i got even worse when i found out that my dad has some psychological problem, he has anger issues and he’s above 60 years old and tried raping my friend before, and also tried doing that with our maid a long time ago, and cheated on my mom alot. right now, im back in my country and live with my sister and grandma, my dad lives in the same country but in another house, and my mom lives in Sudan because of her work. my dad doesnt know i know what he did. now me and my boyfriend who ive been with for 4 years now , is very pissed and cant forget what ive done (cheat) so im really depressed these days, because of everything . i also have trouble trusting people. help