i feel so paranoid, like i have no idea who my real friends are, i feel like if i didnt make the effort to call my friends up or ask them what they are up to or if they want to do something they wouldnt make any effort to speak to me or see me, all i want is to fit in and feel like they actually include me. but at the same time i kind of hate them for how little they care about me. so many times ive just wanted to scream at them and tell them how s*** they make me feel.