Sometimes I’d like to lather him with ‘I love you’s’ but I know he doesn’t appreciate them in great quantities. HE doesn’t believe in things in great numbers.Every time I am overcome with a feeling of love for him, I bite my tongue, I force the feelings down and I wait for him to say it to me. It comes far and few between and I honestly get really tired of waiting. He wants me to stop waiting, feels forced and pressured by my waiting for his love, but I don’t receive it and I have no choice but to wait for it. As soon as I stop waiting I will have stopped caring and it will be too late.
I wish I knew how much was too much. How far love can go in a relationship. How compatible two people are or are not. How likely things are to succeed. How to know when to continue and when to call it quits. I wish I had some sort of rule book so I could know when to hang in and when to cut off ties. How much hurt is okay? How many fights are okay? How many tears are okay? How much of it is me and how much of it is him? How do I know if there are any solutions or if I am searching for something that can never actually exist? Have I once again fallen in love with the highest potential of a man instead of the man as he is now, right in this moment? Will he ever achieve his highest potential? (Will I?)
I do not want to waste my life fighting for something that is not worth fighting for, but I do not want to give up too easily on something that is worth fighting for.