Hi my name is Steph and today is my birthday. Today I turn 23 years old and let’s just say I’m not too exited about it. Let’s just say it reminds me of how much of a failure I am to my family and how old I feel. Usually people my age are still figuring stuff out, are in and out of dating, college, some even have their life together but with me that isn’t the case. I have no job, still at home, I don’t go to school because it’s expensive and I obviously can’t afford it and don’t want to put my parents through that either as they struggle alone already. But that’s not the case. The case is that I feel useless. When am I going to get my life together? Am I ever going to get it together? Will I ever complete my dreams of going to cosmetology school? Will I ever get married? It’s a bunch of will I I know. But I feel like I’m there for no reason. My family thinks I’m lazy which I’m not going to lie I am but who isn’t it’s not like i sleep all day and choose to do nothing at all I’m at home wake up clean up make dinner 9/10 . My parents are split up btw. I’m just a mess. And being the oldest one out of 4 siblings imagine how I must feel, yeah that’s right useless, I feels like I’m setting the example like if it’s ok for them to slack off when it isnt, I can’t wait for the day when I can wake up and honestly say things are going great for me, I long for the day when I can sit back and think huh I remember when I used to write on somewheretowrite.com cause I didn’t have my life together and I thought everything was falling apart, I can’t wait for that day. I don’t have many friends first of all and the friends I do have I dont feel comfortable venting to, I can’t express my feelings to anyone. I am a very prideful person. I don’t like to cry or show my emotions to
Anyone, in my family we don’t give hugs let alone tell one another we love each other, and sometimes I need a hug. Heck sometimes I can’t even look my mother in the eyes and teller happy Mother’s Day. Idk every year I feel like this. Miserable that is. What is going to become of my life? Will I ever get on my own two feet? Is this normal? Do people my age ever feel the same or is it just me? Idk I guess I just have to sit here and be miserable until I get it together, ? So
Long until next time.