I’ve had depression for so long that even my relapses don’t have the same affect as they did before. It’s like my mind feels the pain of my self-harming but the thought of pain has been so unbearable for so long that I’ve managed to just sit there while I’m bleeding out. My mom lost her job and my step dad is kind of a jerk. My sisters are too young to know anything more than how to clean the house and do their school work. I’ve always had a problem understanding why I do what I do to myself. With my real father gone MIA on me before I was born I looked for the love of guys who used me for sex. I was using them too but not for the physical relationship but to fill that void I have. Eventually that got me a “rep” now I’m a subject to my own depression and suicidal thoughts. All I want is for the pain to go away I want to be okay again…