The holidays are always pretty rough for me. At least for the past 3 years. My eating disorder has really gotten to me and it’s been pretty mild for the past 6 months or so. I’ve eaten a lot of junk lately and it keeps giving me worse and worse panic attacks. Today was thanksgiving and we are driving back late from Michigan. My sister was hungry and we stopped by McDonald’s to eat. I don’t eat fast food ever and this was the first time in 3 years that I have eaten there. I am internally panicing right now. I feel like I’m just growing and getting fatter and fatter. I’m trying to stay calm but it is just taking over me. Why can’t I just break free. I feel trapped in my own corpse and I don’t know what to do or where to go. I am so weak.