I think one reason i feel empty is because im not the type of person who laughs out loud at anything they find remotly funny, i dont have a personality that i like, i want someone elses personality because i love nearly everything about it, but i cant be that person, and it pains me, i barely find myself in a mood where i can just be happy, maybe i havent found the right people, i never find the right people though, because they are with the personality i long for, i dont have the voice i love and never will, i know im a good singer, but i dont have the voice i want, its wrong to want to be that person, i feel wrong for not being able to feel their life, they are a person, not just entertainment, i understand but i cant feel it, and i hate that, i wonder if i had made other choices in my life if i would like who i am, i want to be with people who make me laugh constantly everyday while doing something i love, while i cant do what i love, and i want to do the same for them, but i havent had a good laugh in such i long time, the last one i remember being two to three years ago, why cant i talk to them the way i want to, why cant i make them smile, why cant i think of anything to say, i want to let them talk but they dont talk to me, i try to talk to them and they dont respond, maybe thats why i always ask for peoples thoughts after i show them something, i dont want it to be the end of that experience so soon, it was boring, it ended so much quicker than it could have, but they choose not to speak for most likely the same reasons as i, i wish i didnt dread life, it seems so boring and work filled, the only pure joy i get is from watching others live the lives i wish i had, being surrounded by the best people, the person i wish to be has the perspective i wish i had as well, every day is something to look forward to, but every day seems like a neusense, i need to read that book on that point, maybe it can help me, maybe i can be a better person, not rage out loud yet let it be known that i am mad, ive pretty much run out of things to say, im only fourteen why am i thinking all of this… I want to be happy