For years now I have been dealing with such a strong feeling of unhappiness within myself. I don’t know what it is or why I feel this way…
I have a good job although I dislike the majority of the people I work with, still I have a job and money. I am in a loving relationship, engaged and due to get married later this year. I am generally healthy with no specific health concerns besides being overweight.
I have been running away from this problem for years. I play a lot of video games because it helps shut off that part of my mind, I don’t think about anything other than the video game I am playing and I find the escape the video games provide are how I survive the evenings when I get home.
I have few friends and I rarely see them anymore. They rarely contact me, if at all really. I’m the one who usually has to contact them if I want to be included in anything.
My family (besides the relatives I live with) I never ever see or speak to. I feel I don’t know them and that they don’t know me. I have no idea how to talk to them and feel like I’m sitting among strangers when around them.
I generally get through day to day life OK, ignoring these feelings inside to the point where I don’t even notice it anymore but then one thing can happen, a fight with my fiance or a bad day at work and I just fall into this spiral of unhappiness which usually takes me a few days or so to get out of.
I don’t expect anyone to reply or notice this, this is generally just for me to get this out and try to listen to my thoughts properly. Clear my head.
Hopefully one day I will find what it is that makes me feel this way…