I haven’t felt like myself in a long while. My mind is my biggest enemy and self critic. I’m waiting for that day were everything changes and goes back to normal again. When life was simpler, all you had to worry about was Santa Claus being real or not. When your younger, you think life will be perfect and things will happen like a fairy tale. My idea of being a teenager would be having fun parties late at night but I stay home and cry. Sometimes you feel like all you can do is cry. Crying has turned into a hobby during my teenage years, I have gotten use to it. During these crying moments I keep it all to myself. I worry that my own selfish reasons will bother people. My life issues shouldn’t cause some stress in their life. I know keeping it in isn’t healthy at all. I feel like it physically. Its more than just being sad. Its affecting my body. There is a lot of f***ed up things about my body that I have no clue where to start. You cannot imagine exactly how I hate myself. Inside and outside I feel like an ugly human. All the “good” things I do shouldn’t make me a good person. I do it because I know its right. Everyone would do nice things if they were raised correctly or knew better. I have common sense, I’m not a “sweet caring person” Outside my body I know I’m messed up. Everyone has flaws but I have more than others. Fat nose, fat lips, fat chin, fat stomach, fat on fat. I compare myself to every other girl and I always lose a bit of self confidence. I sometimes like to imagine what it feels like to wake up and feel beautiful. Go on a scale and look at the number and not want to puke from the extremely large number. To go out with friends and not feel bad about yourself. Even do basic things, like shopping without wanting to cry or have a panic attack. What does it feel like to love life? Does anyone know?