in so many ways do i wish god, angels and everything was real. it would give me hope. that there would be better things to come. but, for us? what we could be microscopic to something way bigger. we are nothing. nothing in this universe. but we wish, we hope and we pray. to whom? no one. as it may, just having faith helps, even to nothing. I wish i could have faith, i could believe someone cares and protects. oh how i wish i could. but, i just can’t. because throught everything, hell, my hell.. how could someone just watch. just watch as everything unfolded infront of me. my childhood, teenage years; and now adulthood. nothings change. and i believe nothing will. many people have hope and faith in me. but i dont. i just cant. i wish i could pray and make it all go away. someone to touch me and say, it will be okay. i understand why people have faith in what they call god. because, through it all, they feel happy that someone is listening. but who could i talk to that would listen, not judge and understand? they call it a shrink. that’s all i have, and always will have. people who have studied years to help the hopeless. in a way, they are saviors of their own. but, even they cant help. i cant believe in them. i cant even believe in myself. so, what am i left with? a life. a life where no matter how you think, dress, say or even breathe. has a plan for you. here’s a life that will bring you no happiness, no faith and no hope. i may be alive, but, im not living. people believe in heaven, some in hell. and im just living my personal little hell.