26/01/15
srsly i hate having no money
im gonna tell you why
i hate my life cuz i hate my dad so much too
okay, it all started in december 2014 when i graduated school and my dad told me i couldn’t have a party cuz he had no money, however, i did my party cuz my mom got involved earlier in that year with it and she said she wanted to do it so we did. my party was like my dream, maybe, girls dream with their weddings, i dreamed about my prom night (i don’t want to get married or have any f***ing children). i dreamed with a long beautiful yellow dress and i had it. i dreamed with a happy family and i DIDNT AND WILL NEVER HAVE ONE. JUST BC OF MY DAD, NBD. okay, so that night my dad insulted me and told me s***… the next day he did the same. and he kept telling me that the decision my mom and i had made was the WORST of my life (it obviously isn’t the WORST… he just dramatizes a little f***ing s***ty situation into the BIGGEST f***ing problem in your goddamn life). what he did next was booking a trip to panama… he did. and he said we were leaving january the 1st. we did. by ship. it was so cool, we bought lots of things and s***, but what was wrong all my f***ing 12-day trip was his f***ing attitude. i hate his attitude so much. okay, so we came back from panama to colombia cuz we are colombian, y’all know MISS UNIVERSE is MISS COLOMBIA and isshhhhh like that hahaha jk. okay, so we back and we need to start to study right now, guess what? THERE IS NO F***ING MONEY TO START F***ING SCHOOL AND F***ING COLLEGE. but hey he is okay no bd chilling. nigga why you do this to us your f***ing 4 daughters like you took us to f***ing panama to spend for no reason just to say you have no money and that you don’t know how would you f***ing do to get us into school-college. okay nigga. ill wait.
so the last time to get the money for my college is is this week, do they got the money? NOPE. how they gon do? idk
so he wants me to go to his f***ing sisters house and ask her for some money and tell her that what can i do cuz i don’t have s*** right now to pay for my studies. what he doesn’t know is that i would feel so f***ing afraid, sad, insecure in that house. we haven’t spoken in so looooong(me and my aunt). so my mom told me to tell my dad that i didn’t want to go to her house. so i did. and i was like yo i don’t wanna go i will feel so awkward there. and he told me: if you don’t go you won’t go to college. and i was like MOOOOOOOOOOM and she then wanted to beat me up cuz i don’t wanted to go. AND I WAS LIKE B**** THEN WHY YOU SAY TO ME TO TELL MY DAD THAT I DIDNT WANT TO GO F***ING B****H LIKE STOP TALIKNG WTF I HATE OYU (CUZ SHE THINKS THAT WHATEVER MY DAD SAYS IS OKAY,F***ING DUMB ASS B****) AND SHE STARTED TO YELL AT ME TELLING ME THINGS LIKE: U KNOW WHAT STOP TALKING I DONT WANNA HEAR YOU YOU ARE A DUMB ASS LITTLE STUPID GIRL YOU NEED HELP FROM A PSYCHOLOGIST DONT MAKE IT HARDER THAN IT REALLY ITS WE DONT HAVE MONEY I DONT WANNA HEAR HOW YOU FEEL. i don’t wanna hear how you feel. I DONT WANNA HEAR HOW YOU FEEL? SRSLY MOM LIKE WTF WHAT F***ING KIND OF MOM TELLS HIS KID TO NOT SAY WHATEVER HE OR SHE FEELS INSIDE. I FEEL LIKE S***. CAN I JUST DIE AT THE MOMENT? CAN WE JUST… UGH
I HATE LIVING HERE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MAKING THIS SO HARD IM THE WORST I HATE MYSELF IDK NOTHING I NEED HELP BUT I DONT WANT IT I HATE EVERYTHING WTF IS THIS S*** EVERYTHING HAPPENS TO ME WHY ME WHY F***ING ME DO I HAVE SOME PROBLEMS IN MY F***ING BRAIN AM I JUST A DUMB ASS B**** WTF I DONT WANNA GO TO A F***ING PLACE WHERE THEY ARE GOING TO LOOK AT ME BAD AND IM GONNA FEEL AWKWARD I HATEEEEEE SO MUCH THIS SITUATION MY LIFE ME CAN WE JUST DELETE MY FCKING EXISTENCE WHY MY MOM DIDNT ABORT ME LIKE SRSLY IM A PAIN IN THE ASS TO EVERYONE I WANNA START STUDYING I WANT MY SISTER TO GO TO F***ING SCHOOL I WANT TO BE F***ING NORMAL BUT I F***ING CANT I NEED HELP IM SAD IM INSECURE IM HORRIBLE IM STUPID IM DUMB IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH I ANT S*** THATS HOW I F***ING FEEL NOBODY WILL CHANGE IT I HATE IT IM NOT GONNA BE A FASHION DESIGNER OR WORK IN THE FASHION INDUSTRY-MEDIA. I CANT. BYE.