My parents exspect me to be this A* student. They want me to be a brilliant, smart and confident girl. Unfortunately, I’m not. I want to go to university and become a psycologist. but I have a passion for singing that I’ve had for as long as I can remember. I write my own lyrics but they aint interested in that. No matter how much I give the hint. I start up conversations with my mum about music but they dont get it. If I’m to talk to my dad its about my academic performance.
Lately all I’ve wanted to do is sing. I’ve tried running away from i but the more I do, the more I’m drawn to do so. Music is my life and they dont see it. I dont blame them cause I’m pretty secretive too. I never show the real me. They see me as a nice 16 year old girl who is studing so hard not knowing she’s actually try to ge more tips on singing and watching The Voice and listening to music. I dont like the fact that I’m lying to them about myself. I just want them to be happy at the thought of me like they are whenever the talk about my elder brother who is doing so great in germany and I love seeing them glow whenever they skype with him.
I tried giving up singing but I dont know, I just can’t. I know they want the best for me, they always have and I love them. They’re trying their best to pay for my school fees and I’m studing just to impress them not myself. All I wanna do is sing and make music and let my voice be heared. I don’t care about fame all I want is to sing. I dont know if i’s possible anymore. I’m usually the one giving advice and helping others find themselves but I cant do the same for myself. I never could and now I’m in a wreak although no one can see it. I’m so good at covering my true feelings. I’m so lost I want to impress them too but I dont know…all I do now is cry and think of how mad and pissed they would be cause I’m wasting an opportunity no one in my family ever had. My own laptop, 24/7 internet access, nice things, a kinda nice school where I dont fit in.
I dont wanna disappoint them. My O levels is next year. I wanna impress them and make them proud to see their only daughter graduate. My parents are both proffesures and I love them dearly.
I’m so lost should I just forget about music and do what they want me to do? I tried but I was not able. The more I try the more I get so attached. I know you would say just talk to them but unfortunately my parents are not the talking type. Talking to them is out of the question. If I could, I would have…but no they’re not…..i dont know what to do anymore…i’ll try and quit my singing but i know i can never. Music is a way i express myself…music is my life….i’m so confused and lost….