I need to feel heard and acknowledged, loved and admired for who I am, what I feel and think at any given moment. Without comment, without anyone’s opinion, just unconditional love. I am used to give, heal, be there for someone else, help people rebuild their lives, give hope, inspiration, empowerment – I love it, I am good at it, it is a part of who I am naturally and a part of my extensive professional training and my life experience. I thought that it gave me enough meaning and satisfaction in life, that I had enough love for everyone, enough inspiration to create lots of internal and external smiles, large stream of hope and sunshine, and be able to keep myself warm and happy as a part, creator of this process. And yet, I am realizing that I feel lonely and depleted. When it is for others, I get rejuvenated, when it is for me, I get very confused and either withdraw or explode, mostly within, mostly on my own, mostly become paralyzed with my own emotion. I am afraid of being me for me, expressing my needs, wants, thoughts, and feelings for the fear of being rejected and judged. I am so used to take in – people’s suffering, happiness, intense emotions, any variety of acting/expressing them out, being a blank slate or joining in someone’s journey to help them come back to light. I am so used to absorb – books wisdom, knowledge from others, from my own analysis. At work, I express myself through sharing my knowledge and skill, through making a difference, but I know how. This website is my first attempt to just express ME, without thinking how and why, without making sure that it is backed up by research and makes sense and is not potentially harmful to others. That’s it. Till next time.