I just wanna go home. People, do yourself a favor, never marry for any other reason but love. I got married. I’m 20 years old and married to a guy I don’t know. He says “I love you” but I know he doesn’t mean it. I know he shouldn’t be in a relationship right now. He just wants freedom. To sleep with multiple girls. Make stupid decisions and not have someone nag at him to make better ones. I get it. But we were stupid. In something not even close to love. And I think he married me just because he gets an extra $1400 a month for being married. Lol it sounds so silly when I say that. But it’s true! Like how could I be so dumb? Of course a young guy is gonna marry someone, anyone, if he gets paid an extra $1400! I shouldn’t even put that into question! But it’s not just that, that bugs me. It’s the manipulating, lying, possibly cheating. It’s me catching him doing any of those three things, calling him out, and him turn around and tell me I’m crazy! It happens so often that I actually question myself and wonder if I’m crazy! I can’t stand it. I know I need to leave. That this isn’t healthy. But something makes me stay and it’s not love. I don’t even know what it is. My family misses me. I haven’t been home to my family since I joined the military and I’m already out! My family back home DOSE LOVE ME. They miss me and they hate him. I guess I just want proof. If I leave now ill never know if he has been cheating and if he has than I’m not crazy but if I stay and find out he hasn’t been cheating than Ill know I’m crazy for thinking otherwise. So I’m stubborn and I never give up. I gotta believe this unfortunate mistake we made happened for a reason. That the universe and all it’s mystery has a plan. I just hope it’s a good one