well im not sure how to start but i just want to write about what i feel bc i think it helps me…
im 14 and ive been depressed since i was 12… till today still no one knows even my parents…i am suicidal depressed and i also have anxiety, bipolar, eating disorder and trust issues. I dont really know how to deal with any of my disorders but i know that self harm really helps me… i mostly cut or just run against walls yeah i k it sounds stupid but thats just how i do it…now i have a really big problem bc whenever i see something sharp or just anything that could harm me i would really like to use it and i ts really hard to control myself from taking the object and harming myself… this often happens in public and i just stat to freak and have a panic attack….i often stop breathing and i dont know why and i cant start breathing again unless i hit myself or something.Another problem is that its summer now and i cant hide my scars bc its really really hot where i live and wearing long sleeves just doesnt work…im just so sad bc i hate myself an everyone hates me too…ive been having family issues since i was born and i was always bad in school im stupid and im trying i really am but i just cant get any better. I have no friends and all the “friends” i ever had betrayed me and they use me and bully me… this year i finally have a friend hat i thought cared about me but turns out shes just like the others i was already at the worst point of my life and i was so so close to losing it bc basically my parents left me they ditched me and i really didnt know what to do my mom also threatened me and that really broke me… so all i could ever turn to was my friend and whenever i talked to her id e at least a bit happy and i trusted her i thought she knew me and i thought it was real this time but…she was never there for me when i really needed someone and the least i needed was for her to say “f*** you” and leave me…idk what i did wrong again i k im a big failure and im really sorry but thats just who i am… what she did really killed me it really broke me ive never felt this hurt this really really hurted so suddenly i was having breathing issues again i snapped and i just cut cut cut burn ate a bottle of sleeping pills i cried and screamed but ofc no one was there..i woke up to strangers that brought me to the hospital bc i passed out or almost “died” my dad cam to pick me up and he said that i was lucky for him to come back for a worthless s*** like me…yeah thats about it so this kinda helped me feel less stressful.