We sort of decided not talk to talk anymore because of me .. I always start talking about us and she says it kills her and makes her feel guilty that she doesn’t know what she wants in her life.. I understand because I was her first everything.. I don’t know why cant I let her .. my mind just completely says no to me but my heart is telling me let her its for the best.. I don’t know what to do anymore.. cry , scream or just stay in a room by myself and overthinking hoping something will happen to me.. I don’t know why I want to self-harm , I think its so my heart would get less pain I suppose, When I look through our pictures it kills because I remember all of these great and loving moments and then I think about reality and here I am.. writing on this website because I don’t know what to do with my life and I feel like giving up on everything, everything I mean.. school, friends, family and life .. that’s how much she meant to me. I don’t know what to do anymore and neither does my heart or my mind. I don’t know what will happen next .
I wish I could rewind life, I really wish it would be possible. I would rewind to day 1 and change that happened there, id relive our relationship and if we have an argument, id always try explain myself better.. Our relationship came to an end I think because I didn’t really trust her or gave her freedom. I just don’t know why am I like this, I don’t know why my heart doesn’t allow my mind to just say yeah sure go with another guy to the shopping centre.. I guess she was too good for me and I always feared loosing her and that day came which is killing me.. She says it makes her guilty but its not her fault .. I brought this on myself, I should’ve been a better boyfriend, I tried doing my best but I guess I wasn’t good enough.. ” You don’t know what you have until you’ve lost it..” – This kills me now. Reading this statement/line it really does explain how I feel right now. I wish her the best in her life.. I just know that what I have felt for her through our relationship, I will never feel again for any other girl, I thought she was the one and I still do, but she doesn’t think that and its a shame.
I don’t want anyone to think oh look at him he’s a desperate lad who is going through a break up.. he will be fine in a few days.
I may be fine in a few days, but I will never feel the same feelings for anyone else like I felt for her it just wont happen.. I tried giving her my all, tried treating her the best I f***ing could I just wasn’t good enough.