I dont get parents!!
Yesterday, for the first time i had a date with the guy i met on the internet. But the thing is, i just really wanted to receive something like the other girls wanted for valentine’s day that’s why i said yes. But really i am so boring and doesn’t really want to talk about relationships and stuff. (Btw, i never had any.) But i tried yesterday for the experience and also because im 18 and still haven’t experience dating (well, i flirt during my high school days but im in college now.) The guy is nice and cute. We have a lot in common (btw, commonality sometimes is not good). But i felt guilty because i lied to him about making our date to not last that long because my friends have plans this valentines. He was cool with it and he just said that there’s always a next time. And now he’s texting me and asking if im available (but really, im not because im studying). I believe that im not good with balancing my studies and having a relationship with a guy so im trying to say to him that im not available and i said yes yesterday for the experience (and also for the chocolates and flower . lol) without making him feel bad. I really think of my studies first more than anything else because i want to get out of this house (though i also want to help my parents) and become independent.
So today i had a talk with my mom because i want to be open with them. They are so strict when it comes to me because im the only girl and i have two older brothers. I get it. It’s okay. But i really feel so angry because here i am saying that someone gave a flower and chocolate to me but im really not that into stuffs like that..saying that guys just waste their parent’s money and that i was late last night because the jeep will pass through the place called dangwa (?), or the place where there are many vendors of flowers and valentine’s gifts, and instead of being please to what my perspective is (because that’s what they want. studies first.) She said that i shouldn’t have taken the chocolates and flowers because that means im also interested, and she started talking and sharing about other people’s experiences and that i shouldn’t do this and that. Seriously? what the f***? I know i shouldnt have but it will be a waste. right? ugghh! Just because of that i felt like crying now because here i am trying hard to have high grades while looking for a part time job because i know they( parents) are having a financial problem and i really want to graduate so bad so that i will not hear more of these problems and help them solve and pay all these debts and now they said to me that they are bothered and worried that i’ll be like the others, in a relationship, pregnant, no life..what a crazy imagination! I know they’re just worried but i felt like they still dont see what im doing for them and what i am planning to do for them. And the worst part is they still dont trust me even if im the only one who they can trust more. My brother didnt finish his 4th year in college because of a girl. He always have one. My older brother always have a girlfriend too but i dont hear them say anything bad about my borthers. Was it because they are guys? F*** i want to be a lesbian or f*** a guy right away because i dont know what to do. whatever i say they take it against me. What’s wrong with you?? Should i let them be because they are old and they dont know what they are saying?..uggghhh