I’ve pissed people off cos I keep crying when I’m drunk but I’ve worked out that’s only cos I’ve stopped crying when I’m sober, cos I don’t want to piss people off, or burden them with my problems. Like they’re probably sick of me going on and on about the cancer thing and how I don’t feel like me. But it’s true, I don’t feel like me anymore and I hate it, I don’t want to be this person who gets so drunk to try to forget but then ends up crying and ruining people’s nights. If i could just turn all these thoughts off for one minute and literally forget I could go have a good time, but there’s always reminders and even now writing this i feel like I’m attention seeking. It’s like one criticism, which I’d rather have hen somebody just speak about it behind my back has sent me hurtling back to this depression which I thought I was getting out of. I need a break, but I don’t even know what will help, and I don’t want to talk about it cos I’ll just cry again and it’s just a vicious circle.