(random guy with a 1st broken heart and with a life full of family fights and bullsh*** etc. )
Once I was concious, awake and happy. And I had some goals that I wanted to achieve in my life.
But right now, all I feel is despair, I’m tired, I’ve seen enough,
In my, and other people’s lives, seen enough bulls***.
I’m having endless conversations in my mind, visualising different things.
I watched, heard and read things that I shouldn’t.
thinking of different kind of scenario’s that could never happen.
remembering things that I shouldn’t.
blaming myself for all the bad sh*t that happend in my life,
And it isn’t getting better, it’s piling up to a breaking point now..
I’m lost in my endless wave of negative thoughts and darkness,
why do i have to set this barrier to express my feelings?
why may I only express the minimum?
Nowadays I’m wearing a mask that is crumbling faster with each day.
Recently I was filled with love and happyness,
I thought that nothing could break me anymore..
And look at me now, all down and broken, lost.
No matter what people say, it won’t help, it can’t help
they can’t cheer me up from this. I’m on my own with this.
I’ve never felt this before, and god,
even the worst people don’t deserve this feeling.
Now I laugh at my own dreams, because that is how ridiculous they are.
I just want to leave everything behind me, I hate this,
I want to forget..
And I want to be able to look forward to something again,
I just hope that somewhere down the road.. there will be a small hint of light..
And when I see it.. I’ll get back there.. but for now, it’s pitch black, and if this keeps up,.. well.. I don’t know ^^