usually i am a relaxed guy, didn’t really think i had many problems that were to big, i don’t really pay attention to my problems only the ones that are right in front of me, but today i was having a conversation with a close friend telling him about all the struggles in my life and i realized damn my love life is pretty messed up and i have way more problems then i realized. I guess i was just ignorant and decided not to deal with my problems giving me the lie that i had very little to worry about, but in reality i was digging my own grave that was already surrounded by guns. I also hold things in too much like anger and sadness i don;t express outwardly, like i haven’t cried for months, but i have felt that i wanted to cry but i don;t know i just couldn’t and so i resort to punching my pillow or getting stressed and annoyed really easily by my mom. I love my mom and we have fun it’s just that sometimes i crack, i realize that my every girl that i have ever liked ended up in a bad way, some which are still going on and i still need to resolve some which the pain is only felt by one side. AND I HAVEN”T EVEN BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP YET! i told myself that i didn’t need a relationship right now that i should focus on school, that i would be weird in a relationship anyway, that i should wait till college that way i am not broke and have more freedom to go places that we want to go so that i can be a good boyfriend, i say that loneliness is the only problem that I have to deal with and in a relationship i would have to deal with so many unforeseen problems. I’m scared of a broken heart, because high school is a grave of heart’s I’ve seen it happen over and over again, but i didn’t expect it to be this hard to deal with, i thought that being with friends would make it better, but it hasn’t i think it just made it worse, it made me realize that i could be doing this with my girlfriend, plus it doesn’t help that i like to watch romantic movies and am reminded of what i don’t have. But i guess that the more problems the better the story once you get back up again. Because even though life is tough, i still believe that there will be a time when i will love someone and be able to go on those romantic dates and be funny and cheesy, that i can joke around with, i think that the girl i date i will have to love. because a relationship is a sacrifice that you will have to be willing to make and if it’s the right girl i will definitely do it.