why is it so hard to be just happy? now i know i’m bulimic, what’s next? who to consult to? where can i get the help? i think i should just become a nun. why is life so complicated? didn’t realize that i’ve been struggling with it for ~3yrs. mommy, being away from you gave me this s***ty business. i have nothing to eat when i come back from school and i’m stressed, and therefore i just eat whatever i see in front of me… becomes mindless eating…. lack of nutrition…. lead to binging and bulimia. ok maybe all excuses but they are the truth. as much as my s***ty little brain can comprehend, that’s what happened and happening. i’m pathetic right? on and off binging … even though i always tell myself that it’s just because i’m stressed/depressed, it’s obviously unhealthy habits clinging onto me. life ain’t fun. i can’t remember a time when i was just so free… without any addiction on food, no cravings, no binging, just clean, happy, carefree life. when was the last time i felt like that? here comes another problem i need to solve, all by myself, alone, finding ways and struggling myself out to get a breath of fresh air once again…. AGAIN. why always me? that time when i needed to restart my life because of bullying and worst stuff in my life was supposingly over and then now another problem. i ain’t free ok? i’ve got a lot of stuff queuing up to be taken care of. mommy, life’s hard. i wanna cry. i dare not let my tears fall down in front of other people. even if i tell you guys, that will just mount up your concern. in the end, i just need to find my way out. that’s what i always did anyway. you guys are far away. so far away. i can’t take care of you. likewise, you can’t take care of me as well. i’m a lonely bird, flying solo. digging my way out to somewhere unfamiliar. i want to be a nun. i’ve been sick of living since grade 11. this thing goes on for ~3 yrs. gimme a break